Medical Love Song

MEDICAL LOVE SONG
Music by E. Idle and J. Du Prez, words by G. Chapman and E. Idle
Sung by Graham Chapman
From `Monty Python’s Contractual Obligation Album’

Inflammation of the foreskin
Reminds me of your smile
I’ve had ballanital chancroids
For quite a little while
I gave my heart to NSU
That lovely night in June
I ache for you, my darling,
And I hope you’ll get well soon…

My penile warts, your herpes,
My syphilitic sores,
Your moenelial infection
How I miss you more and more
Your dobie’s itch, my scrumpox
Our lovely gonorrhea
At least we both were lying
When we said that we were clear

Our syphilitic kisses
Sealed the secret of our tryst
You gave me scrotal pustules
With a quick flick of your wrist
Your trichovaginitis
Sends shivers down my spine
I got snail tracks in my anus
When your spirochetes met mine

Gonococcal urethritis
Streptococcal balanitis
Meningo myelitis
Diplococcal cephalitis
Epidydimitis
Interstitial keratitis
Syphilitic choroiditis
And anterior u-ve-i-tis.

My clapped-out genitalia
Is not so bad for me
As the complete and utter failure
Every time I try to pee
My doctor says my buboes
Are the worst he’s ever seen
My scrotum’s painted orange
And my balls are turning green

My heart is very tender
Though my parts are awful raw
You might have been infected
But you never were a bore
I’m dying from your love, my love,
I’m your spirochaetal clown
I’ve left my body to science,
But I’m afraid they’ve turned it down

Gonococcal urethritis
Streptococcal balanitis
Meningo myelitis
Diplococcal cephalitis
Epidydimitis
Interstitial keratitis
Syphilitic choroiditis
And anterior u-ve-i-tis…